Microsoft Work Shifts

And now, a light-hearted reflection on our work shifts

There are really two work shifts at Microsoft- the morning shift (6:30-4) and the swing shift (10-7) The start and ending times vary for the swing shift only.

The morning shift folks are generally neurotic people (I should know) who wake up before their alarm clocks go off (usually about 2 minutes before). They turn off all of the lights in their office and shut down their computers when they leave for the day, and when they forget to do so, they serve themselves an adequate measure of guilt. Their computers are tools they use. They can converse freely about varieties of dental floss and were elated when Oral B Satin hit the shelves at Walgreens. They buy clips to keep their Tostito chips crisp and tasty. They find an unmade bed confusing, and they put their TV and stereo remotes in the same place after each use so they do not get lost. They are bright and look forward to checkups at the doctor or dentist (which they schedule well in advance) because they enjoy Reader’s Digest’s Word Power. They are also fun and interesting, but they budget time to be both.

The swing shift folks need to be at work before lunch. Their lack of neuroticism over the first chronological checkpoint allows them to work for many uninterrupted hours fueled only by obscene amounts of caffeine and a pizza buzz they desperately work to forget. Their mind is uncluttered of the morning shift guilt, and they feel “one” with their computers. They don’t shut them down because they are comforted knowing that the computer is not sleeping as much as they are. They even connect to them during the night to settle their nerves (we’re not sure who’s initiating contact here). They are clean and brush their teeth, but they collect the samples of dental floss given to them after the checkups their loving family or close friends schedule for them. They stack these samples in intriguing geometric shapes on their vanity. They don’t clip their chips because leaving them open is more “efficient”. They don’t usually make their beds, because they like to pick things up right where they left off, and besides, it still looks warm when they arrive. They leave their remotes on the kitchen counter, right in front of their laptop and cereal bowl, because that’s where it was when they finished watching the “So Late It’s an Early Morning Show” on TV and checking their email. They are also fun and interesting, but anytime near sunrise as they figure Katie Couric is handling their portion of “perky” all on her own.