A Safe With No Walls

(From my hand-written journal yesterday while on a plane over the Atlantic)

I think, in the end, Heaven is a place where all our love, like every perfect feeling I have for Carolyn and my boys, goes. And, those feelings— that love— is put in a safe with no walls, where no one can ever interrupt it. It will never diminish. It just grows and grows.

jrd

Giving & Receiving = Charity

Giving is vital. But, it is also good to receive. I am not talking about selfishly taking. I’m talking about humbly receiving. Too often, our pride, stubbornness, or other feelings get in the way of receiving what is selflessly, graciously, and kindly offered—everything from a compliment to a generous gift of financial aid or other assistance. Receiving gifts of any sort that are benevolently given by others is very different from taking. Taking implies seizing or capturing what is not offered. This impulse, too, may come from pride and other unproductive feelings.

God knew that we might need some guidance on the humbling and sanctifying act of receiving when He declared, "Deny not the gifts of God for they are many." Those gifts come in many ways.

Earlier this year I was chatting with a friend who lives back near my home town (hurray for Minnesota!), and we connect now and again. He and his family had fallen on hard times given the state of the world economy and so forth. When things were at their most difficult and bleak, he received the help that was beyond what he could have ever expected from family and friends. He’s a hard-working and self-made kind of man. I know it was hard for him to accept help But, it was a moving thing to hear of his gratitude.

Five years ago I was blasted by a car while riding my bicycle. My body and brain took severe blows that nearly annihilated me. Recovering (to where I am now) tested me to the limits of my will to live. One day, when a very close friend was visiting with his family from Ephrata Washington, he inquired how I was doing with the various pains and difficulties. After an uplifting visit, they returned home, and just a week or so later we received an enormous shipment at our door. It was a Sleep Number bed, an adjustable sleeping surface that has helped many people with injuries sleep more comfortably. I couldn’t hold back the tears as I thought of the generosity of my friend and his family. I phoned him, and expressed my appreciation and surprise. He insisted that repayment was not necessary, and all I could do is thank him with all of the sincerity I possess.

The gifts we receive are never really about "things". They are really about something deeper, something more lasting and important. Think about a compliment. I have taught my sons that when someone compliments them on something they have done well or on how they look etc., they should be gracious and say simply, "Thank you." Sometimes people feel the need to dismiss a compliment, not wanting to sound arrogant or boastful. Modesty is vita, of course. But, modesty also includes accepting compliment, because all good things do not come from us anyway. To reject the gift of another also denies the giver of the blessings of giving.

Let me explain with an example. When someone says, "You sing so beautifully," some respond, "Nah. I really suck. I wish I were so much better." Saying this suggests the other person was wrong, it rejects a gift, a compliment, that was genuinely extended. It is better to just say, "Thank you. How kind of you to say." When I receive a compliment such as this I think, "I’m grateful for the gifts God has given me." All good things come from Him.

Life will always present with opportunities to give, to receive, and even to take. Giving and receiving are two aspects of the same charity. They both involve humility and a willingness to look beyond ourselves, to think about others. Of course, we should do all we can to not be a burden to others, to "carry our own water" so to speak. But, when we are in need, when, after all we can do, we find ourselves in difficulty, it is a beautiful thing to receive the gifts of God with gratitude. When we are in a position to give, we should give from that same sense of gratitude and love— Grace.

In the end, when the stage of mortality is dismantled, and we’ve all gone home, we’ll all need a generous helping of Grace.

JRD

Luck and Leaving Las Vegas

An unforgiving city granted an act of mercy, sending me off into the sky— lonely little Moses in a cradle of steel floating on a river of air. Solitude gives rise to a peculiar reverence. The memory of a loved one is a priest to whom we confess a future that may never be. That’s when a heart truly breaks. In the utter vulnerability of that moment we are strong as we can ever be.

Landscapes are intimidating. The earth’s generosity and ferocity seem unintentional. It is never distracted from its destiny—to carve canyons out of granite tables, to force trees and grass out of stony ground, to drive mountains up further up into the sky—a giant engine of perpetual, insouciant change. And, its by-product is a circumstance in which we thrive against the odds, and luck seems to go our way. In the accidental bounty the planet provides we create the things that can never be the result of chance: love, humanity, selflessness, compassion. If luck is defying chance, then we can say we are lucky beyond measure.

Rivers, mountains, sprawling meadows, and oceans don’t know what true luck looks like. But, we do. Luck is the shape of a child’s smile. It is the warmth of a lover’s kiss. Luck is unguarded laughter of children at play. It is the gentle pressure of a baby’s hand around your finger. It is looking into your lover’s eyes and knowing that you are understood, accepted, and known.

Chance, landscape, luck, humanity, uncertainty, and change— weighty thoughts while I leave the capital of counterfeit luck– where many people desperately chase what they know is an inevitable mirage. I depart richer than when I arrived: the true treasures of my life acquired yet a little more value, became a little more dear while I was a stranger in a strange land.

Just Nobodies or Compassionate People?

I was once at a store with my boys, and they were rolling in on their Heely shoes. As we passed the fellow at the door who verifies whether one has a membership card he loudly barked, "Hey! You guys can’t roll on those in here!" His reaction was over-the-top; it was harsh and unkind. I paused and waited. Then, I drew close to the man and gently put my hand on his shoulder. I said in a quiet voice, audible to just him and me, "Sir, these are good boys here. It is good to speak to them kindly, and they will listen. I want you to work on that—to say things kindly first." He was a little stunned, because I think he was expecting me to be angry. He then replied with a bit of a stutter, "Oh….Uh… Yeah. I’m sorry." I smiled, and we walked on. I felt at peace. I hope the man at the door felt that way too. There was no confrontation or anger between us. I wish I always reacted so kindly in such situations.

We have all experienced interactions where things escalated quickly and disproportionately. People seem quick to anger over small things. We sometimes treat each other as if we’re not people at all—as if we are just nobodies—gears in a big machine that will ultimately fail us. We can say to ourselves, "That person is just a customer." Or "Hey—she’s just a cashier", and "He’s just a guy work with." Then, we treat that [fill in the blank human functional character] in a less human way—keeping the distance between us. In so doing, we’re acting on instinct, following the least elevated inclinations of ourselves. We use the word "just" to reduce the people around us to someone less than they really are.

What if we looked at each other more as compassionate people first? Sure, there are times we won’t agree. Yes, there are times when there will be gaps in understanding. But, let’s not forget we’re people after all. Like it or not, we’re on this big stage together. I like the simple words of a children’s song:

I want to be kind to everyone, for that is right you see

So I say to myself, "Remember this: kindness begins with me"

 

–John

Don’t Forget to Write (not type!)

I was reading some of the latest entries from Billy Corgan’s thought provoking site. In a 3-part segment he explores the feelings of a young man writing a love letter. He adds this aside, "Yes, people in remote parts of the world still write letters!!". I’m one of those people, and I guess our little town of Duvall Washington is sort of remote! Anyway, I still write quite a number of hand-written letters each year (I prefer the Uni-Ball Signo pen, in case you wondered). Receiving a hand-crafted letter or note is something special. Here’s a little story about the impact of a simple letter.

My father was recently digging through some photo albums my dear mother had hastily put together prior to her death. They had been left in a box in the years since her passing, and he stumbled on them one day. I happened to phone him just moments after he found the box. We reminisced as he turned the pages. He told me stories about the people he recognized in the old photos. Then, he found a few letters tucked in the pages of the album. They were the few letters his father had sent to him during World War II. He read them to me, and we wept.

My grandfather was drafted into the war when my father was just three years old. He left my grandmother and my father alone and soon found himself floating around on the USS Richmond patrolling the Pacific ocean. In the letters to my father, he drew little pictures and wrote a little poem that revealed the simple hopes and dreams he harbored while mixed up in the sad business of war. He drew a picture of him and his son with a beautiful dog. And, he wrote a poem about going fishing some day with his boy, how they would toss a line in the water and never worry about what time they would need to go home.

I have held those letters many times. I’ve seen the way the graphite merged with the paper to create colors, strokes, and characters. The immediacy of knowing his pencil was on that paper while on that ship in that ocean while thinking about his boy brings my grandfather so much closer. If he had typed it on a machine, or if computers had existed and he had typed it in a word processor, you can see that it just wouldn’t have been the same. His hand writing conjures his presence. I can imagine him in a cramped bunk writing that note, holding that pencil, hearing those planes.

So, when I want to send a thank you to a friend, a love note to my wife, or a message of praise or encouragement to one of my five sons, I do it in with a pen and ink. They know it’s special. They’ll treasure the gesture, and it will last long after the computers have been recycled. When my sons stumble on the notes I wrote to them, and they read them to their sons or daughters on the phone, perhaps the appreciative tears will flow as they did for my father and me.

–John

Horizon

I played the guitar for hours this past weekend, and along the way, I wrote another simple song. I hope you like it.

It’s called, Horizon

I’m a little beam of light

But I can’t find the sun

I keep my legs movin’

But I don’t know where to run

The sky took me in again

The night said ‘Welcome home’

And, I got the nod from Dylan

Now I’m a genuine rolling stone

 
 

My heart was saying something

I couldn’t understand

I’m alone

 
 

I’m a timid little whisper

I’m a shout when I’m hurt

A lonely little prince tamed

By a rose in the dirt

Does Heaven have my number

‘Cause I’m getting calls from Hell

How am I down here?

I was hoping you could tell

 
 

I tried to get lost

So I could be found

Where am I now?

 
 

I’m a sound without a song

A star wiithout a sky

The truth sometimes hurts, but

It’s better than a lie

I’ve learned that the horizon

Isn’t sky and isn’t land

It’s a line that makes you wonder

Exactly where you stand

 
 

I’ve run out of time

The sun set long ago

Which way is home?

 

-© 2009 John R. Durant

Mute Insteads

Taste that light

When I touch

Kill and fight

Hurt so much

I’m not free

Claw my skin

Being me

Borrowed sin

Dig so deep

Treasure soul

Let me sleep

Dreams in tow

Wrapped around

Glory shreds

Shouting down

Mute insteads

–John R. Durant July 14th 2008

[ Wrote this last year. I still like some of the turns in here—an exploration of the space within a struggle, a kind of impressionistic contemplation of what could have been but can never be]

Ghost Water

Ghost water night

No thoughts are in my head

Restless muted walls

And my eyes under the bed

This is the end

My black has turned to blue

I have no feet

But I’m wearing one left shoe

I

Need some time

A way to kill this moment

That has no vital signs

I, me, mine

Here in the darkness

I look just fine

 

John R. Durant—2004

 

57 Mile Backpacking Trip

On Monday, August 10th, I left on a 57 backpacking trip with my son, Andrew (15), four other young lads from Church, and two other youth leaders, Brothers Tyler Allen and Bryan Wheeler. We trekked from Steven’s Pass to Snoqualmie Pass in 5 days. You can find the pictures here. At the same time, another group of boys and their leaders, led by Spence Darrington, began the same journey from the opposite direction. We met in the middle at Lake Waptus, the only rain-free period of the trip. It was great to see the whole group together, and a message from the scriptures while we gathered around the fire lifted our spirits.

 

The pictures tell some of the story of the trip. Sadly, we have nearly none of the last 20 miles, because we were so frozen cold that we didn’t want to stop for photos. On Friday we did the last 20 miles in about 7 hours of constant hiking up mountainsides and across narrow paths clinging to the rock.

 

At the end of it all, we went to Arbys where the boys filled up on Bacon Cheddar Roastburgers!

 

It is an experience I’ll never forget, and the bond between us all is something special. We suffered plenty on the trek, but all in a good way. As my motto goes, "Nothing’s fun until it hurts." Thus, this trip was lots of fun! I am eager to do it again with James, then John, then, Paul, then Steven as they grow a little older.

 

 

Waiting For A Ride

Here’s another song I wrote—the story just impressed itself strongly on my mind. A guy is somewhere in Nevada at night, drifting, leaving some things and someone behind, not sure where the road will take him next. He just knows he needs to keep moving, and he’s waiting for a ride. There are three verses, three choruses and a bridge. Enjoy.

 Waiting For A Ride

Got some trouble, it gave my pen an itch

Sewed my wounds but off by a stitch

Highway night crowds my eyes with stars

And the mocking light of the passing cars

 

Just a dream away

Our warm bed

Just a dream away

Things I should’ve said

Just a dream away

Touching you just so

Just a dream away

Everywhere I want to go

Is just a dream away

 

Out here the moon seems alone like me

In this darkness I can better see

That the past is rarely ever clear

And I don’t know where I’ll go from here

 

Just a dream away

A second chance

Just a dream away

The way we dance

Just a dream away

Nothing is lost

Just a dream away

Hurt has no cost

Just a dream away

[bridge]

But now I know

I’m not afraid anymore

To feel what I feel

To open any door

When I’m empty inside

I’ve got nothing to hide

Even I was with you

I was just waiting for a ride

 

So, it’s for the best that I’m out here

Where broken hearts have nothing to fear

Sitting on the road, stood up by my pride

With everywhere to go and waiting for a ride

 

Just a dream away

You holding my hand

Just a dream away

A safe place to land

Just a dream away

Love is a distant tide

Just a dream away

When your waiting for a ride

That’s just a dream away

—June 30th 2009